Tips For Enjoying the Holiday Season Sober

    Imagine being newly sober. You have had to change everything about your life. You can no longer go around your old friends or to the places you used to hang out. You have not had time to repair damaged family relationships. Your new life feels isolating and unfamiliar. All around you, people are celebrating with their close friends and families. People are eating, drinking, and being merry while you are still struggling to find your identity without drugs and alcohol. It may be tempting to return to what is familiar and seek comfort from a substance. This is the struggle many people in recovery face during the holiday season.

The holidays can be hard for people who are trying to stay sober and the holidays are especially difficult for people in early recovery. According to a press release from the Center for Network Therapy, an addiction treatment center with three locations in New Jersey, returning patients typically account for only 25% of total rehab admissions throughout the year prior to the holiday season. After Thanksgiving, that number jumps up to 60%, indicating a 150% spike in relapse rates during the holidays. 

Members of the Dry Dock recovery clubhouse
enjoy a community potluck on Thanksgiving.
Photo courtesy of Dry Dock.

Rebecca Pinson, a certified peer support specialist for the Dry Dock, a recovery clubhouse located in Richmond, Kentucky, says loneliness is one of the biggest struggles people in recovery face during the holidays. “That’s something I see a lot that takes people back out,” Pinson says. 

    One of the most important things people in recovery can do to stay sober and combat loneliness during the holidays is to develop a strong recovery community. Pinson suggests that people “get involved” as much as possible. 

    Regularly attending recovery meetings is an easy way to meet new people and develop supportive relationships. Most cities are home to multiple recovery groups, and many of those groups meet on holidays. Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are typically readily available. If in-person meetings are not available in your community, many meetings can be found online. In the Rooms is a resource that says they provide 130 meetings online weekly.

    Family relationships are something else that can make the holiday season difficult. Many people in early recovery have strained relationships with their families. As a result, some people do not get to spend time with their loved ones during the holidays. Others that do get to see their families face the struggle of navigating damaged relationships. 

    Leanna Murphy, a court communications specialist for S.P.A.R.C Recovery, an addiction recovery center in Russel Springs, Kentucky, says a significant trigger for people is “the anxiety of facing family members that they may not have encountered since getting sober.” Murphy suggests that people have a conversation with their families before coming to holiday gatherings in order to ease some of that stress and tension. It can be helpful to set clear boundaries about things you are not comfortable talking about and what your triggers are.

Three mugshots from Leanna Murphy's addiction 
compared to a picture of her in recovery.
Photo courtesy of Leanna Murphy

    Murphy stressed the importance of having sober friends and talking to them regularly. Murphy said during the holiday season, it is important to have a sponsor or support person readily available. It is good to have someone in mind you can call if you are faced with a trigger or are feeling down. “In recovery, the only people that will fully understand your thoughts are those that are in recovery with you,” Murphy said. 

    Pinson recommends people in recovery get involved with their local community over the holidays. “Any type of volunteer work,” Pinson said. “Just staying busy.” Volunteering can serve as an opportunity to make more positive connections, and focusing on helping others can help keep negative thoughts at bay.

    Brittany Robinson, who has been in recovery for eight years, has made volunteering with a local soup kitchen a holiday tradition. Robinson said she started volunteering during the holidays four years ago. “When I started volunteering, it helped my recovery because I needed ways to keep my mind focused on positive things. If I was able to keep my mind busy that helped me to maintain my sobriety,” Robinson said. Volunteer opportunities can often be found at a variety of nonprofits such as food banks, churches, and Humaine Societies.

    Increased rates of drinking during the holidays are another thing that can make the season difficult for people in recovery. According to a survey by OnePoll, cited in the New York Post, the average American consumes twice as much alcohol from Thanksgiving to New Year as they do the rest of the year. This is in part because of the increase in parties and other social gatherings that occur during the holidays.

    Being the only one at a party who’s not drinking can feel awkward. Trying to explain why you aren’t drinking when offered a drink can be even more uncomfortable. A tip from Pinson to avoid that situation and lessen the temptation to drink alcohol is always to carry a non-alcoholic drink in your hand. “If I’m already equipped with something to drink I’m less likely to get something,” Pinson said.

    Preparing before going to events where there is going to be a lot of alcohol is important in helping prevent relapse. It is good to have a plan to leave if you feel uncomfortable or start having thoughts of using or drinking. It may be helpful to invite a support person to come with you to help hold you accountable. Prepare what you might say to the host if you end up having to leave early. Planning ahead for what to do if that happens makes it much easier to resist temptations and triggers.

    While the holidays can be difficult to navigate in sobriety, they can still be fun. Having strong recovery support, staying busy, and planning ahead for potentially triggering situations can make the holidays easier. The last piece of advice Pinson had for staying sober during the holidays is, “Just enjoy life. Enjoy the holiday season sober.”